This time of year, when lake-effect snow is being visited upon us like butter-cream frosting upon a wedding cake, there are two predominant types of Facebook statuses. As far as I can tell, the formula for generating these statuses are:
A) There's so much snow, _________ happened
B) [expletive deleted] snow
To convert the formulae above to Twitter statuses, just insert "#snow" or "@snow" or some bullshit. I don't know how Twitter works.
If you value originality as much as I do, you gag a little bit, because repetitive statuses confirm the suspicion that despite their superficial differences, most people are the same on the inside. Like flakes of shredded coconut.
So when you're hanging upside-down from your seatbelt in a ditch after a sudden snowdrift, and you feel the urge to post a status or tweet about the snow and how it affects you on physical and emotional levels, you might instead select from the following list of alternative formulae. These will take your mind off the snow, and provide the rest of use with light entertainment.
A) These damn __________s are too large for my wood-chipper.
B) Did you see what [any given celebrity] did? I was like, shiiiiit.
C) [expletive deleted] the economy.
D) I'm trapped in a well. Send help ASAP.
E) I am on fire.
I hope this helps you maintain your originality in these trying times. When everyone is posting variations on the same theme, these will inject Facebook and Twitter with some much-needed flavor, like Bavarian cream in an otherwise empty pastry.
Peace.
*skids off road*
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